Chapter 73: None Are Usable

“Player Chen Yun was hit by maid Ah Qi’s ‘Coquettish Charm’ skill. Intelligence decreased by 30%, lasting ten seconds. Master-servant contract in effect. Coquettish Charm skill is ineffective.”

Chen Yun smiled. This little girl wanted to play games with him? Well then, he’d tease her back.

“Are you Liu Yifei?”

“Nope, guess again.” Ah Qi replied sweetly.

“Are you Fan Bingbing?”

“No, try again.” Ah Qi’s smile faded.

“Are you Zhao Liying?”

“No.” Ah Qi pouted.

“Then you must be Dilireba.”

“Hmph! Who’s Dilireba? I’ll beat her up!” Ah Qi huffed, releasing his hand. Looking at Chen Yun, she said, “You unfaithful master. I’m ignoring you.”

Uh… How did I become the unfaithful master? True, I’ve admired those celebrities before, but it was just admiration—nothing more, really.

“I knew it was you all along. Those names were made up. I was just messing with you. Why are you here?” Chen Yun chuckled.

“I came to buy something. What about you?” Ah Qi felt secretly relieved. So he was just joking. That scared me—I thought I’d suddenly have a bunch of ‘mistresses’ to compete with!

“I’m here to buy a phone.”

“A phone? Don’t you have one already?”

“No. If I did, why would I be here?”

Ah Qi’s imagination ran wild. It must be the phone company’s fault. How could her master not even have a phone? How could he have called her, then? Terrible service!

“I know where to find good phones. Master, let me take you.”

“Alright, but don’t call me ‘master’ anymore. I’ve told you, just call me Chen Yun.”

“Oh, alright.”

…

Jun Yue Supermarket.

Oupao Phone Specialty Counter.

“Chen Yun, this brand has a great reputation and reliable quality. Which one do you like?” Ah Qi asked.

Chen Yun stared at one phone in the display, his eye twitching violently. Oupao R9… Damn, why does that name sound so familiar?

“Hello! Are you here to buy a phone?” The sales assistant hurried over, eager for business.

“Yes, please show us your best-performing model with the strongest battery life,” Ah Qi interjected.

“Miss, based on your needs, I recommend this Oupao R9s. It’s the latest model released this year: 5.5-inch main screen, made from TFT material, scratch-resistant, shatterproof, with a 1920*1080 resolution for clearer images. It has front and rear 16-megapixel cameras and a huge 3010mAh battery. Theoretically, standby lasts up to a week, and it supports fast charging—charging for five minutes gives you 40% battery, so you never have to worry about running out of power.”

“Wow, this phone is great! Much better than my Oupao R6.” Ah Qi took out her phone and waved it.

The sales assistant was surprised. This stunning girl must be from a well-off family. The Oupao R8 was last year’s hottest high-end model—5,888 copper coins, no bargaining. Looks like this sale has real potential.

“Advanced Communicator: Green item. In-game communication device. Increases call clarity by 150%. Reduces call costs by 50%. Enables in-game communications. Required level: 40.”

What the—Chen Yun was dumbfounded. Even phones have level restrictions? And such a high one, too?

“The screen’s too big. I don’t like it,” Chen Yun said offhandedly.

What? The assistant was stunned. She’d met customers who complained about price, size, or battery, but this was the first time someone disliked a phone for its large screen. Isn’t bigger always better these days? Haven’t you seen people using tablets as phones on the street?

“Then let me recommend this one—it’s got a 4.5-inch screen…”

“Still too big.” Chen Yun glanced at the level requirement—35. He shook his head.

“Then how about this, a 4-inch screen…” Level requirement 30. He shook his head again.

“Still too big.”

“Um… 4 inches is the smallest screen for smartphones. Anything smaller would be a non-smartphone.”

“Alright, let me see.”

“This is an Oupao a103 color-screen keypad phone. Will this do?” The assistant, at a loss, took a keypad phone from a cabinet of obsolete models.

Chen Yun checked: level requirement 25…

Damn it. If I can’t use a smartphone, fine, but even this ancient keypad phone is locked out? System, could you be any more shameless?

“Um, I don’t like color screens—too dazzling. Do you have a black-and-white screen?”

The sales assistant: …

Ah Qi: …

Heavens, in this day and age, there’s someone who dislikes smartphones, large screens, and even color screens. Are you sure you’re human and not some color-blind canine?

“We do have black-and-white screens, but they’re all reclaimed from faulty devices.”

“Let me see.” Chen Yun had already lost hope. In this age of smartphones, even color-screen keypad phones were antiques, let alone black-and-white ones. He’d asked in passing, never expecting there to be any.

“One moment, I’ll check the storage,” the assistant said, face long. She’d thought she’d earn a big commission today, but who could’ve predicted such an oddball hunting for antiques? Even if she found one, it wouldn’t make her any money.

A short while later, the assistant returned with a plastic bag, pulling out three or four battered black-and-white phones and setting them on the counter. Chen Yun saw them and turned green with rage.

Broken Phone: White item. Required level 20.

“Ah Qi, let’s go. I’m done.” Chen Yun turned to leave. This was infuriating—he couldn’t even use the lowest-grade black-and-white phone. Was the system forcing him to carry a landline around?

“Chen Yun, what’s wrong? You don’t like black-and-white phones either?” Ah Qi was thoroughly confused. “Don’t tell me you want a brick phone?”

“A brick phone? There’s one here?” Chen Yun paused, realization dawning. Black-and-white phones weren’t the lowest—brick phones were!

“A brick phone…” The assistant, expression blank, pulled out half a brick phone from the bag. “I saw this when I was fetching the black-and-white phones and brought it along.”

Chen Yun leaned in for a look, eyes rolling back as he collapsed.

Scrapped Brick Phone: Required level 15.

“Fine, a brick phone it is. I’m already level 12; level 15 isn’t far off.” Climbing back up, Chen Yun said bitterly, “I’ll take the brick phone, black-and-white phone, keypad phone, and the Oupao R9. One of each.”

“Uh? Oh, okay!” The assistant was startled, then thrilled. She’d thought she’d make nothing from this guy, but who’d have guessed?

“Chen Yun, didn’t you say you didn’t like color screens? Why buy one now?” Ah Qi asked.

“I don’t like them now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t like them in the future.”

“That makes sense. But why buy a broken brick phone?”

“To prop up my bed at home.”

…