Chapter Thirty-Four: Confessions and New Beginnings

“I know you must not want to see me right now. Everything is my fault. If I hadn’t angered you, you wouldn’t have lost control, letting the demonic will invade your heart, and been forced to pursue me. Our master witnessed it all, and in the end, you were pushed to reveal the past, which hurt you so deeply. I truly want to say I’m sorry.” Yin Boxuan apologized with sincere regret.

“I’ve received your remorse. Now you can leave, can’t you?” Meng Youyuan truly didn’t wish to see him for another moment. She mercilessly issued her command to leave, desperate for him to vanish from her sight.

“I still have something to say. If I don’t speak now, I fear I’ll never have another chance. But rest assured, it isn’t mockery this time—I simply want to tell you a little story.” Seeing Meng Youyuan remain silent, Yin Boxuan continued, “Once there was a boy who liked a chubby girl, but he was foolish and didn’t know how to pursue her. He resorted to teasing and bullying her, hoping to leave a deeper impression. But later, the girl fell for someone outstanding. The boy grew fearful—afraid she’d forget him—so he bullied her even more, and said deeply hurtful words that he didn’t mean. In the end, he made her discover some cruel truths. He no longer hoped for her forgiveness, but only wished that when she left this place of sorrow, she might understand his feelings. That would be enough.” Yin Boxuan spoke quietly, and for the first time, his eyes openly brimmed with love.

“Don’t joke, please. I really don’t have the leisure to play around with you right now.” Meng Youyuan was stunned by his words, then spoke in a trembling voice, her newly calmed heart now stirred again.

“I can tell you earnestly and seriously, every word I just said is the voice of my heart, long hidden. You don’t have to accept it, but please don’t question its truth. That hurts even more than being rejected outright.” Yin Boxuan said, his sadness evident. The courage he’d mustered to confess seemed to her nothing more than a jest.

“You know my heart is already in turmoil, so why bring other matters into it? And you know who I’ve always liked—why are you so foolish as to let yourself fall deeper? I really don’t know how to deal with this. You’ve made it impossible for me to think. Please, I beg you, give me some time and space. I just want to be alone and think everything over.” Meng Youyuan was nearly frantic, feeling her mind was about to explode and her body unable to breathe. She desperately wanted to find a deserted spot to vent her emotions, or she felt she wouldn’t survive.

“I never meant to force you into a decision. I only wanted to express my feelings. I didn’t realize it would burden you so heavily.” His heart was troubled; he feared if he didn’t speak, he’d regret it forever, but now his confession had caused his beloved such pain. He truly felt he owed her—he couldn’t quietly protect her, and instead brought her so much distress and injury.

“That’s enough. I don’t want to hear another word. If you won’t leave, then I will!” Meng Youyuan stood up and strode toward the door. At the threshold, she stopped and turned back, speaking coldly, “Don’t follow me, or you’ll never see me again!” With that, she left, leaving Yin Boxuan alone in the room, full of regret.

Meng Youyuan walked aimlessly, not knowing where to go. She felt like a little bird with no home, endlessly flying through the sky, unsure where to land, where she belonged. When thunder and rain came, she would randomly seek shelter under a tree or an eave, resting till the skies cleared, then fly on tirelessly. It wasn’t that she loved freedom; it was that the vast world seemed not to have a single place for her. She could temporarily stay under someone else’s roof, but what about the future? Where should she go then?

When she grew tired, Meng Youyuan stopped by the little lake beneath the waterfall, and gazing at the rushing water, she broke down in tears. As she cried, a slender hand appeared holding a white silk handkerchief. She hesitated, then took it, looking up at its owner. “Why is it you?”

“I was feeling a bit stifled and went for a walk. Suddenly I saw a stall selling these handkerchiefs. My intuition told me you’d need one, so I kindly bought it for you.” Yu Shang smiled gently, and with this simple explanation, the distance between them seemed to diminish.

“Did you really bring it over so kindly for me?” Meng Youyuan asked, puzzled. “Actually, since I moved to the little house behind the bamboo grove, you’re the only one I haven’t really interacted with. To each other, we’re like strangers. So why do you keep helping and caring for me?” She couldn’t understand why this man, whom she’d only met a few times, would go out of his way for her. Most of all, every time she saw him, a strange sense of familiarity stirred in her heart, which confused her greatly.

“To be honest, the first time I saw you, I didn’t have a good impression. Facing a stranger I’d never met, I felt a slight unease, as if you posed a threat. But later I realized I was wrong. Sometimes I even felt as if you were an old friend I hadn’t seen in years. Strange, isn’t it? We’re not acquainted, so why would I feel that way?” Yu Shang laughed self-deprecatingly, unsure why he opened up to her.

“If I told you I’ve felt that too, would you believe me? Maybe we really did know each other before—just in a previous life.” Meng Youyuan teased playfully, the earlier sorrow gone. She felt relaxed around Yu Shang, just like with an old friend, without any awkwardness.

“So you can smile so easily? I was prepared to let myself be your punchbag to help you vent, but it seems that won’t be necessary.” Yu Shang joked along with her.

“No problem, I really wouldn’t mind you being my human punching post.” Meng Youyuan raised her delicate little fist and waved it before Yu Shang.

“Better not—I’m afraid you’d end up hurt instead, and then Lan would come after me!” Yu Shang laughed, feeling a surge of happiness.

“I never expected it. You always wear that icy expression—I thought you’d be hard to get along with, but today I see you’re not so distant after all! Smile sincerely more often. Even though you smile sometimes, it always feels cold and forced. Maybe you’ve been through pain yourself.” Meng Youyuan said softly, as if she were the one soothing him.

“Whenever I try to comfort someone, you all end up consoling me instead. Do I really look that troubled?” Yu Shang said with resignation. He thought he’d hidden it well, but those around him saw through it.

“Sigh... Let’s just let things go.” Meng Youyuan patted Yu Shang’s shoulder and sighed.

“You seem fine now. Let’s go back—they’re all worried about you!” Yu Shang suggested.

“Yes, though I know it sounds distant, I still want to thank you!” Meng Youyuan said sincerely. Her mood, once agitated, had been soothed by Yu Shang’s words. It’s true—the bonds between people are mysterious. Some people say everything and it’s useless or even makes you feel worse, but others, even if they speak of matters unrelated to your troubles, can lighten your heart.

The two walked back to the little house behind the bamboo grove without another word, but neither felt awkward. As they stepped into the hall, Lan Bingxian rushed in, grabbing Meng Youyuan’s shoulders. “Just now I went to your room to look for you, but you were nowhere to be found. I wanted to go after you but feared you might return while I was gone. Do you know how worried I was, Yuan Yuan?” He finished, and, losing control, hugged her tightly, afraid she’d disappear again. After what happened, he was terrified of losing her.

Meng Youyuan’s cheeks reddened from the sudden embrace. Embarrassed, she said, “I was feeling down and walked around the academy by myself. Brother Xian, you don’t have to worry—I’m really fine!” Honestly, after Lan Bingxian’s hug, even the most wounded heart would be soothed. Meng Youyuan smiled with happiness, resting her head on his shoulder and greedily enjoying the warmth of the moment. She felt this was the happiest time of her life, a warmth she’d never known before. She wished time could freeze, that this moment could last forever.

“I’ve decided—when the academy affairs are settled, I’ll leave with you. Don’t worry, I won’t let you face the world alone.” Lan Bingxian released Meng Youyuan from his embrace, looking into her eyes with unwavering resolve.

“No, you can’t give up your bright future for me. You know he wants you to take over the academy!” Though Meng Youyuan wanted to be at his side every moment, she couldn’t be so selfish as to hinder his future for her own sake.

“You know I don’t care for any of that. I’ve long wanted to let it go and break free from this cage. Now, with the master treating you so cruelly, how can I trust leaving you alone? Don’t try to talk me out of it. No matter what, I’ll stay by your side. I don’t want to lose you—I suddenly realize you’re a part of my life. Honestly, from the moment I first saw you, I decided to protect you. Don’t be so heartless as to shut me out, okay?” Lan Bingxian finally revealed his feelings, laying his love bare before her.

“Mm, I’m so happy. So Yuan Yuan means so much to Brother Xian. It makes all the pain before seem worthwhile, because I have you—that’s enough!” Meng Youyuan, her face stained by tears, smiled with pure happiness.

“How wonderful—such a warm resolution to a problem that troubled everyone. It’s the only truly joyful thing these days!” Xiao Yin, who had been hiding, brought the others out and spoke with a smile.

“Then I’ll entrust my little sister Yuan to you. Treat her well—if you make her sad, I won’t forgive you!” Yan Xue Su laughed as she threatened Lan Bingxian, genuinely happy her beloved sister had found someone she could rely on for life. Her happiness was heartfelt.

“I promise I’ll treat her well!” Simple as it was, his words were full of commitment, full of their future. These few syllables bore endless affection.